Toxicity

"You want to see the good in people so bad, even after seeing so much ugly. But that would mean I had not learned anything from my past." -- Shaire Blythe

I am one of those that gives the benefit of the doubt a lot. I see the good before the ugly. I see the good even in the midst of the ugly. I believe there is darkness and light in all. I believe it is okay not to be okay. I believe It is okay to seek help if need be, and there should not be any shame in that.

I never minded being that shoulder for someone to cry on or ear to hear. I personally know how hard it can be to find anyone you can talk to about anything and all. It is rare.

I know what it is like to feel alone and I do not like the idea of anyone feeling that emptiness. It leaves space for negative to fill the holes. That negativity can take people so far into the dark that it is nearly impossible to bring the person back. Yet, I have still tried at the expense of my own wellbeing.

I speak especially to the abused, female or male. Yes, males can be abused too. Do not give up your serenity, yourself, to save another. Not when the help is not wanted and it has been made crystal clear. The danger you put yourself in, the chaos, is not worth it. Your own peace of mind is not worth it. More than anything, if you have brought the problem to the forefront and the person still carries on the way they want, disregarding all or anything you say, it is not worth staying around for.

Some people would wonder why any person would put up with abuse, whether emotional or physical. But I know that side. It can be not knowing your worth, having such a big heart, thinking all the person needs is love and feeling trapped, and so on. In the past, I did not know my worth and just thought the right amount of consistent love could heal the war the other person was going through. It can be the case, but not always.

There are some selfish people that really do not give a damn. And it is sad, but true.

Do not allow yourself to be taken so deep with that person. You will find yourself losing yourself. You can find yourself more irritated and even violent as well. With no positive energy around you, it is going to have its effects.

Remove the toxic person knowing you tried all you could have. You do not have to be mean about it, just go. Say what you have to say and go. You may not know where the next step will place you, but I guarantee any place is better than being around an abuser; a person can do bad all by themselves.

I remember watching a late night investigation show with my Mom. I honestly never used to care for them. After realizing the extent of how toxic of a relationship I had been in years ago, the shows became personal to me. They have taught me signs to look for in toxic relationships and hindrance from walking into them. They keep me aware and not oblivious that, sadly, crimes like those really happen. By watching some of those shows, they pinpointed signs that I had personally experienced, but at the time, I had not tuned in or paid much heed to them.

This specific episode, a woman killed a man. Different factors were involved in her defense: he abused her, but there was another woman. She claimed she was defending herself, but, of course, there was a chance she was lying. I was not there, so I have no clue. But I drew the conclusion that, at that time, it was not defense from abuse. I asked my Mom "Why didn't she just leave?"

I do not believe in taking another's life. I never want to have the burden of having that on my conscience for any reason. But now, she is locked up for life, has blood on her hands for life; her family has been shattered, and a man's life is gone, and his family has lost him completely.

No good came out of that end result. She stayed in that situation, allowing herself to be driven in a dark place.

I am not knocking that she was possibly abused within that relationship. Again, I was not there. But evidence heavily pointed toward her killing him in a jealousy-like rage because of the other woman. Not defending herself from abuse. The jury found that true as well. There really are some cases where abuse has been the main factor and the person "got sick of it" and "handled it there way."

Do not allow yourself to go there. Do not stay in a place where a person continuously treats you cold. You are worth something. You are worth more.

If you have a partner or person in your life that does not respect you, drains you, mistreats you and so on, let them go. Run. Nothing good is going to come from it. I cannot stress enough.

If another party is involved, like the example above, let them have them. Toxic people do not change over night. Do not dwell on the good that might had been in the past, or maybe even the spouts of good in the midst of the darkness. That had been crippling to myself and I know for others. I guarantee the next one is going to get the same behavior, if not worse, if they allow themselves to put up with it.

Do not get me wrong. I believe a person can change. But I believe a person changes for who they want to change for. And only for themselves. But they have to want it and put the effort in. And if they half-ass the effort and go right back to what they were doing before, no. Go. Hope the best for them at a distance.