When You Settle For Less, You Get More Than You Bargained For

"When you settle for less, you end up with more than you bargained for."

I wrote about this topic once before, but it has come to my attention again, and with greater experience to draw from. Every person wrestles with their individual journeys through life. Some are amazing and some are not so much, but what that one person takes from that journey is what matters the most--only if he/she can notice what lesson they should take.

Being a female in society is not an easy "task" to take on daily. Sadly, we live in a world that, statistically shown, views females as "lesser" or "not as able," and the list could continue. We have been "shaped" to be viewed as "objects" or only "useful" in multiple aspects. This is an ongoing battle that is not being "fought against" when there are females that "cave in" to this perception, but in a manner in which they believe "is better." Let me explain further…

When females get screwed over by a boy, and maybe it is more than a couple of times, we have a tendency to want to "ease the pain." First instinct typically reverts to the thought of doing the same thing a boy did to us. We make ourselves "coldhearted" or "emotionally unavailable." We lie, we collect guys, having each of them believe they are the only ones, and we simply take more than we give. We can go even further by willingly sleeping or fooling around with whoever we want, whenever we want and as recklessly as we please. This is where we tend to go horribly wrong and some sort of catastrophe blows up in our faces.

Now, I do not judge anyone who willingly participates in such acts. I have had my share of "playing the game" after getting fed up with being screwed over back to back. However, in the end, there is no denying that we all want that one person that is "the one." Inevitably, we are going to get old and gray, and no one wants to be alone. Point. Blank. Period.

So, then, my question is: why drag yourself through all those possible catastrophes that could hurt you more in the end and further hinder you from "the one" or healthier relationships?

Getting yourself hurt cannot be avoided in life. That includes more than relationships. But how often you get hurt by others can be limited by you choosing who you keep or allow in your life.

If a boy screws you over with no remorse or acknowledgment of his fault, let me make this clear: he is a boy, not a man. If you are a woman, you are going to need a man. Not want one, but need one. Because all that crap that boys pull, is not going to fly with you and he will more than likely stress you out than be your peace of mind. If he is not your peace of mind, say "Adios" and do so with a grin. Do not let a boy lower your standards. And if you do not know what your standards are, you need to start making a list. I am not talking about he must be tall, sexy and more artificial crap, because you will more than likely end up with a little boy, because those are little girl standards. I am talking about you wanting him to be passionate about what he loves, have goals mapped out and not simply talking about them, but he is taking or has taken action, and him believing in God and so on. Deep stuff that truly makes up that person on the inside. Not the outside.

Once you have those standards, stick by them. I have my top five must haves. I know them by heart. Ever since I made those standards and stuck by them, my life has not been the same, but in a good way. If I come across a guy that does not have those five things, I keep it moving. I give them a legit chance, but I do not attempt to become more than friends or try to "give them my heart." Not everyone deserves your heart or time, and that is just real. Keeping to my five spares me what I know would lead to nothing but time wasted, and I am frankly tired of having my time wasted by people who do not know what they want; before I made my top five standards, I did not know what I needed, so I was pretty much just as at fault.

You have to stay strong to not allow a boy to steal your essence. You have to, first, love yourself. You can have your standards and still get hurt, but at least at the end of the day, you can wholeheartedly say you did everything you could to make sure you "took on the relationship" the best way that suited you. And if it does come to an end, you will discover that bouncing back from the fall will not be as difficult as it used to be. At the same time, while in that relationship, you will feel appreciated, if the guy can hang. Do not be surprised if some are along for the ride for a minute and then step off. Not everyone is meant to handle your love--flaws and all. But I can assure you, allowing yourself to "stoop low" and "do the same as you have been treated" (if badly) is not the best solution. I challenge you to be braver than that. To keep your head up high and "settle back into yourself" is true strength. To run to another or many others that you know is not going to be beneficial in any way, I call that weakness. It is the number one solution for people to run away from their problems or feelings. Thing is, once all of those people "dry up" or "disappear," who can you really run to? You will be left alone to face all of those feelings you desperately tried to run from. I say, feel them the moment they arrive and ride them out. Do not bottle them up either. Ramble to a confidant. Be messed up at times with them or alone. It is okay. It is called being human. How boring life would be if we did not feel emotions.

I am going to end with this bit I wrote before in my post: Stop Settling. I have held it close to me till this day (and it has helped me when deciding whether to walk away or stay in a relationship, as well as remember a healthy way which to carry a relationship) and I hope to never release it.

What I am learning is that some people enter your life in the most beautiful ways. You may share deep things with them, you may feel this undeniable connection unlike any other you have ever felt, but that does not define the entire relationship. When those good feelings start to become memories and the other person is no longer making you feel those things you once felt, after you have addressed the problem with that person--if you never address it, they will never know; people are not mind readers--then it is time to step out. If that one person truly cares, they will come running for you and make it right. And not just for a moment and then they go back to their old ways again. They will come make it right throughout the remainder of the relationship.

I kid you not, there are too many good people out there for you to accept one that could honestly care less about your feelings. One of those good ones were created exactly for you, and you will know. You will not have to pine for attention or lose yourself in the process of trying to get their attention. That one person will connect with you fully and you will never have to question them because they will show and give you everything that you had been missing.