Please say her name...

 Sonya Massey.

This may ruffle feathers. But I do not care. 

There is a deep sadness in my soul, having watched the video of her murder. 

It was murder. 

A woman saying "I rebuke you in the name of Jesus" and merely holding a pot of water at a distance, that was "demanded" by the officer for her to remove (which was very unnecessary if you ask me), and her being killed for handling that very water that was demanded of her to even pay attention to, and her being so ferociously responded to verbally and physically so fast because the officer "feared for his life."

It was a gun versus hot water. 

I cannot make sense of it. 

And this is not the first we have heard of stories -- no, scratch that -- realtities like such. 

A gun versus water.

A gun versus a knife.

A gun versus nothing. 

Absolutely fucking nothing. 

I am not against guns. I do not like them. I will be the first to speak that truth of mine. But I am more so against power-hungry, control-driven, destructive people having guns in their possession that can use them to end an innocent's life with only the pull of a trigger.

I feel sadness, because she called the police, thinking someone was creeping around her home, and we have come to know that she had a mental illness. She called them because she was scared and was seeking protection from the police. She mentioned she had taken her medication that day, which I believe is even referring to her mental illness. And she ducked, apologizing to the officer, right before he shot her. 

The officer called it a "headshot" as if he had been playing a video game. Almost as if he deserved some reward for taking her out that way. 

Aid was barely rendered. Hardly a bit.  

This is not a topic that I am just now clocking into. I delved deep into violence, guns, and the heavier correlation with males back in college. I dove more deeply than I cared for, reading killers' and shooters' words and watching videos on them to write a paper about the mental state, societal experiences, familial patterns, and correlation between males who commit acts of violence through gun violence. I will never, ever claim that all roots are the same, but from what I could find through my research, there was always some sort of seed that had the capability of sprouting into the violence that the male left as his "legacy." 

Behind all, there was always so much rage. The madness that some males allow to manifest and swirl within them, and they do not seek help to manage, or they do, and still cannot get ahold of it is frightening. And for some, it is not even rage, but power they seek. It is a social construct that has been embedded in their minds by society or maybe even family that they "must be this" or "must be that" instead of just being. 

I am a witness to the rage. I am a feminist who wishes that males could just be. Forget about the strongest, the toughest, the most fit-looking, or the most handsome. Who cares how many females you pull -- you are only digging yourself into a shallow hole that will take so much effort and self-love to dig yourself out of if you ever do. 

In all honesty, I see the rage that was in the officer who murdered Sonya Massey also in the boy who tried to assassinate Trump. Before you make this a Democratic versus Republican thing, let me disclose that I am neither party. I do not buy into the two-party-only sort of thing. I acknowledge all other parties. 

With that being said, any assassination attempt on anyone is not okay with me. It goes against my beliefs. So the boy who attempted to assassinate Trump, to me, was no better than the officer who murdered Sonya Massey. Whether he went in with the idea of being some "savior" for the Democratic party, or whatever, we will never know. But he belittled Trump so much that he felt he had the right to take his life, the same as the officer did Sonya Massey. 

There is something wrong with the emotion of belittlement in general, to me. 

I go back to bell hooks book that I am reading and the difficulty she speaks of when it comes to men honing their emotions, and being told to suppress them. No wonder the world leads to such angry men, some who do not even realize they have anger harbored within them. 

Harbored anger can be deadly. It can be violent. It needs to be acknowledged, or else, there is no healing that can take place where and when it is needed the most. 

Watch at your own discretion.