Let's Talk Five

Wednesday, July 27, 2016

PPRFC

My life was never the same after creating the above acronym. Each letter represents my five must-haves when it comes to dating. If they are not met, I have learned to simply not continue to pursue or lead the other individual on. While some may call my choice "limiting," I call it "common courtesy." When you know what you need, there is no need to waste time--yours or any else's. Gray areas are minimized, the playing of games are fast to be shutdown and at the end of the day, it can feel damn good to have standards, and it feels even better when someone comes along and meets them, or steps up to meet them.

The list should not be shallow things. Nine times out of ten, having a partner that is "Tall" or "Fit" will get you somewhere, but not that homerun. Unless you really just do not care; that is on you. But need I point out that looks fade. That person could lose their abs one day and replace it with a gut. That person may not even be able to walk one day. So then what? If you are thinking, "Well, I would simply leave," that is pretty messed up.

You want something true, something that is perfectly fitting for you and not based on a whim of momentary feelings, you need to come up with a list that goes beyond and can relate to more than one single factor.

For instance, Consistency. This as one of the standards can relate not merely to consistency in the relationship, but in the person's entire life. Do they get easily restless and once bored, jump right to the next thing? Can they keep a job? Consistency can be linked to that person making it clear of your place in their life and if you are going to have to worry about possibly bringing in all the money because your partner cannot be consistent in maintaining a job.

To some, that is okay. But I have known it to cause a strain between others. It allows space for negatives, like holding the fact over the other person's head, feeling the one who brings in the money has the right to do certain things detrimental to the relationship because they are contributing more, etc. Or, it could come down to one feeling drained--unequal.

That is just an example.

Granted, it has been said by Nadeen Neary, "The right person is made, not found."

I thought really long and hard about that one and I could not exactly deny that quote. It semi-collided with my belief of accepting someone for who they are and not trying to change them, but I personally had to ask myself, "How did I get to the person I am today?"

I was made by others into the person I am today.

Though I could not ultimately be what they needed or they could not be what I needed, the effects of the aftermath molded me into who I presently am. They made me in some shape or form.

The molding can be negative, the molding can be positive--it comes down to you what ending tone you want to be. They did what they did, whether negative or positive, to shape me into who I am today, but I have the final say in who I am or who I want to be.

Flawed, unapologetically me.

At the end of the day, no one should try to change you by force. You change for yourself and hopefully it is for the better. Having the list in place hinders you from trying to change the other, since they already meet the most vital factors you need.

You may find your five in the last place you expected, but that makes it all the more fun and intriguing. Don't get discouraged if you come across one who has your five and it still does not work out. If you found one, you can stumble across another. I have known few to truly "step up to the plate" simply because they valued their partner. Might not have been their "typical," but they met halfway, or some went above and beyond, but it was effort nonetheless, which should not be taken for granted.

On that note, while the five must-haves exist, effort should not be overlooked. But if there is little to no effort--only if you have made your standards clear, because no one is a mind reader--there is no need to bother.