Dumb It Down

Sometimes I do not want to talk. Sometimes I love engaging in conversation. Sometimes I bite my tongue to avoid conflict. Sometimes I feel strongly for a topic and know no limit to what I want to voice. Sometimes I keep my mouth closed in fear of how I will be perceived. Sometimes I do not care. Sometimes I am a surface-talker. But more than likely, I will dive deep unless I have no will to for whatever reason.

I had this talk with a good friend. He gets on my ever-loving nerves most the times, and I do the same to him, but at the end of the day, it is nothing but love; we can keep it real with each other and nearly read each other like a book.

When I had this friend tell me, "You will probably keep finding yourself in the position you are for a long time because you are more than your looks, you actually are wise; you are not completely subservient and do not [run after any bone a guy throws out to you]," I had a slight problem.

The problem was not with him at all or that he had said that to me. The problem I had was with the context of what he was really telling me.

"I do not think I should have to dumb myself down at the comfort of another," was my first response.

Actually, no one--woman or man--should have to do that for another.

That was my problem.

I pretty much grew up in a single-parent home. Watching all my mom did on her own, laid the foundation for me to appreciate what another could do for me, but still have my own.

It could have went a different way; for some, it does. They will see the struggle a single-parent went through and take the route of hooking a partner that can take care of them and they will not have to endure struggle that way. But I see that path as unstable, changeable. Banking, literally, on another is a risk--one I am not willing to take in that sense.

P!nk was my idol growing up. She was fearless, having lyrics like "I'm so glad I'll never fit in, that will never be me. Outcasts and girls with ambition, that's what I want to see." She has many songs and lyrics that touch my heart, but that is one that has always resonated with me.

Girls with ambition…

Ambition had nothing to do with looks, appearances. If God blessed you with a pretty face or whatever, all power to you, but there are many pretty faces. Some industries focus on only appearances, but beauty comes from all shapes, sizes, styles, looks, etc. And to have a pretty face, I never forgot this quote off the Tyra Banks Show, "Looks may get you in the door, but intellect keeps you in."

So why feel threatened against intelligence? Why feel threatened by a person actually taking strides to be more than just their looks or some other superficial asset? Why feel threatened by a person not simply out to take your money and pretty much use you for what you can give them, draining you and adding nothing of much substance to your life?

Wouldn't you want intelligent people in your life to propel you forward, to have on your team? Wouldn't you want people taking strides that will have longer-lasting effects (other than looks that will fade)? Wouldn't you want people that add to your life and not use you for what you have?

In the past, I have dumbed myself down to keep what I had obtained only to still get abused, misused, mistreated and ran over. I had been hurt another could do what was being done to me, but it was my fault for allowing myself to be in that space. It was my fault for accepting what I was given and settling.

After I said, "I do not think I should have to dumb myself down at the comfort of another," he told me,

"You should not, but most guys like to have a girl that is [simply along for the ride]; they want power, control."

I must be a feminist.

I believe in equality. I believe in being a team.

Though I know his opinion does not speak for the general male population, he still has some truth to what he said.

I understand the importance of having intelligent people in my life to propel me forward--to have on my team--when I want to give up; and the intelligence is not merely dedicated to "book smarts," 'cause life is out there with no guidebook. I need people in my life taking strides that have long-lasting effects, 'cause I want to be rich with them--not monetary, but in life. And I want people to add to my life, not use me for what I have. And I have no desire to use them for what they have. That we all have something to bring to the table--whatever it may be--and are willing to share without debt or counting is beauty.

Ending on a quote.

Ebrahim Aseem:

"The reason she doesn't submit to you is, she doesn't trust your ability to lead her. You can't even lead yourself. Be a man of actions."