Choice To Live
As another year rolls to an end, I look back and feel more joy than any other emotion. It has been a roller coaster--which is to be expected by now--but the greatest thing I can say to that: I am alive.
I have a "reckless spirit," so to speak, with little to no boundaries on some levels. I have been known to direct that energy toward different aspects of my life and things/people that I have crossed paths with. As well as been able to smother it at times. Certain directions that I took, and realized that were not the best for me, I retracted from and found other "explorations" to gear that energy toward. This included my love for traveling.
I always used to be picky about my money. I still am. I like to budget, try not to over-exceed in a consumeristic world. In short: I try to control my worldliness. But I began thinking, I cannot take money with me when I die. I cannot take anything with me. So I started mapping out plans, creating spontaneous trips to states, cities, places that I always wanted to experience. Things bigger than myself.
Starting back in 2016, near the end of the year, I just went for it. My recklessness. For brief intervals, I forgot about my obligations and just lived. I created temporary, brief relationships--connecting on deep levels, if just for one night, and even some shallow, yet interesting levels as well. I took all I could in. I tried new foods. I explored different spaces.
When my traveling led me to an unfortunate wreck, I briefly lost my will to live. And I do not mean just to travel, but even be breathing.
I went back and forth in my mind asking God why was I spared, and then, at times, I felt grateful to know my story still had some pages to go.
Slowly, I started picking the pieces of me back off the ground. I realized that I am here, and I have the power to choose how I will live out the remainder of my life.
Will I cower in fear, receding into me, myself and I? Or would I get up and continue living, continue exploring, continue creating special micro-moment connections, and continue being happy?
I chose the latter.
That is why my year will be ending in joy. In hope. In faith. And in dreams damn it.
You are going to run into unexpected corners, I assure you. But it is how you handle the aftermath that really maps out your future and present.
So as the new year get closer, I ask: will you choose to live, no matter what roadblocks you hit? Or will you wither in a darkness that only you have the power to rise out of?
I have a "reckless spirit," so to speak, with little to no boundaries on some levels. I have been known to direct that energy toward different aspects of my life and things/people that I have crossed paths with. As well as been able to smother it at times. Certain directions that I took, and realized that were not the best for me, I retracted from and found other "explorations" to gear that energy toward. This included my love for traveling.
I always used to be picky about my money. I still am. I like to budget, try not to over-exceed in a consumeristic world. In short: I try to control my worldliness. But I began thinking, I cannot take money with me when I die. I cannot take anything with me. So I started mapping out plans, creating spontaneous trips to states, cities, places that I always wanted to experience. Things bigger than myself.
Starting back in 2016, near the end of the year, I just went for it. My recklessness. For brief intervals, I forgot about my obligations and just lived. I created temporary, brief relationships--connecting on deep levels, if just for one night, and even some shallow, yet interesting levels as well. I took all I could in. I tried new foods. I explored different spaces.
When my traveling led me to an unfortunate wreck, I briefly lost my will to live. And I do not mean just to travel, but even be breathing.
I went back and forth in my mind asking God why was I spared, and then, at times, I felt grateful to know my story still had some pages to go.
Slowly, I started picking the pieces of me back off the ground. I realized that I am here, and I have the power to choose how I will live out the remainder of my life.
Will I cower in fear, receding into me, myself and I? Or would I get up and continue living, continue exploring, continue creating special micro-moment connections, and continue being happy?
I chose the latter.
That is why my year will be ending in joy. In hope. In faith. And in dreams damn it.
You are going to run into unexpected corners, I assure you. But it is how you handle the aftermath that really maps out your future and present.
So as the new year get closer, I ask: will you choose to live, no matter what roadblocks you hit? Or will you wither in a darkness that only you have the power to rise out of?
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