Riding Waves

August 17, 2016

Growing up, I was always that kid that did not listen. I would climb trees in my family's backyard, after being told not to; I even purposefully wandered off at my hometown's fair to hop on another ride and watched as my mom and dad gathered an entire police squad to search for me, feeling jubilant that such a fuss was being made about me. Anything I was told not to do, I pretty much did. I was fairly devious and did whatever I wanted to. Of course, doing so, I learned the consequences at my own risk and potentials.

There were never true constraints in my family, which has heavily contributed to my free-spirited mind today. I was able to be free, rebellious. Rules existed, but few. My dad was not as present in my life by third grade and my mom was undergoing the effects of MS, which hindered her from certain involvements within life. I had all the freedom in the world. Do not get me wrong, though. I was not a "devil's spawn." I was quite great with being courteous in public and with others, but I had a "wild heart" around my family.

I will claim that it is much harder to change than stay the same.

That freedom, rebelliousness and "want it when I want it" attitude burns in my soul today. I am certain many others can claim the same, channeled in different ways. I have channeled the sensation toward multiple aspects in my life. Some channels have been good, some not so much.

I wanted what I wanted, but at what costs? I maybe even got what I wanted, but at what costs? Maybe you got what you wanted or can get what you want, but at what costs?

Those questions are really the only differences I have heeded myself to now. What are the risks I may endure, what are the good positive factors? Is there a chance what I want now is not beneficial to me and my life? Is it a long time satisfaction or short? Are there other parties involved that may be affected? When I had ran off at the fair, I surely had not been thinking about the possibility of giving my parents a heart attack, or the consequences I endured after. At the time, when I had ran off, I had only been thinking how cool it would be to leave and see what happens, not thinking of the actual possibilities of what could happen.

Patience, Empathy and Wisdom have come to be my greatest cures.

Patience is teaching me to wait for the right moment. Wisdom is discerning the right choice to make. Empathy has been teaching me to be thoughtful of others involved or allowing myself to be placed in their shoes. Many times, as a kid, and carrying on into later days, I have thought selfishly; I lacked the thought process fully or either purposefully blinded myself--or I really did not know better until I found out--and patience is continuously being worked on till this day.

Again, change is not easy. I had to take many risks to make adjustments, to learn, to conquer. I am still learning. But now, I am greatly aware. I feel more deeply to get vibes; I explore and discover however need be to see if what I want is truly fit for me or determine if I need to ride out the wave for the next.

Like a surfer, some waves look gnarly, but are they meant for you to ride? Is there not one beyond that would actually be better, but we so desperately want to ride the first one we see because we are "itching" to?

Even catching a good wave is about timing and intelligence before setting yourself up for it. Granted, you will undergo wipeouts. Will you learn anything from them?