What I Don't Know

"Because they don't know. People think they know, but you don't know. I thought I knew, but I didn't know." -Lila Lipscomb

I had held off on watching Fahrenheit 9/11 by the - what I call - witty, controversial and pestering (but in a good way) Michael Moore. If you have never watched one of his documentaries, I strongly encourage you to do so. The title had me at "9/11," since I'm a sucker into researching that topic, but when I heard it had to do with oil, I thought maybe the title was misleading and wasn't truly about 9/11 after all, so since it came out in theaters in 2004, I never touched it. Until now.

The title wasn't misleading with "9/11" in it. It was a stretch, but yet, so close to comfort.

I feel a bit dumb, because I found out facts that I feel I should've known way before now. Which some facts shared, I had heard a little about here and there, and some I had already felt strongly for, but none of it seems as forceful as it does right now - after watching it - meaning what I have taken in from this documentary is really poking at my insides and my mind, and tugging on my heartstrings, and all of that.

I've never really been one to trust in the government. It's clear as day that things go on behind the scenes that regular American citizens have no idea about. I'm not oblivious to that. And I question myself: do I honestly want to know everything that goes on? Not at all. If I did, I would try to make a career in politics, but that stuff doesn't move me. Day to day, I want to be able to have faith in the government as to where I don't have to worry about if a terrorist is planning to cause harm to people, and they just take care of the job as to where I wouldn't even know something bad was suppose to happen. If that makes sense. I do go day to day without fear though, because living in fear is not living. But I'm not able to put my faith in the government not only for incidents like 9/11 when they decided to overlook reports that warned there was a chance that what took place would happen, but how they have always played the role as "big brother," like America is the dominating country, and now, I will say, how we have heartlessly and brutally slain innocent people and created turmoil for no reason but greed.

Don't get me wrong. I've known we've taken part in unnecessary slain before. It's hard to wrap my mind around how we can do so in these other countries and have done so, but here I am, pretty much safe in my home, not having to worry if bombs will be dropped around my house tonight or if my home will be invaded and I'll be pulled away from my family every day and every night. To me, it's just so sad. I could only imagine what people have gone through, what they go through, and what they will go through.

How split is it of me to say I'm sad to say I live in America, but yet, thankful. Sad as to some of our injustice acts. Yet thankful as to having some security, which some have never had or will have.

I was mildly aware that it was said Bush started the war for oil. I never looked into it much. If what Fahrenheit 9/11 said was true, it has now clued me in big time. I had originally believed he began the war for simple re-election. After 9/11, people were angry and if he was for war, he would win the people. I kind of hold on to both beliefs. Regardless, my heart broke when it came to the bombing of Iraq portrayed in the film. Seeing those shots of children and regular civilians dead and majorly injured took a toll. And don't even get me started on the elderly woman shouting to God. That was the worst part. I could feel her pain, and immediately thought how that could be me. That life could have been my reality. They didn't deserve that, and that's why I hate war.

Not only are it the civilians lives lost that gets to me, but it's the soldiers and their families. How split is it of me again to say I support the troops and salute them for their service, but I don't like what they have to do sometimes, or the after affects that come along with war. They lose their lives literally or mentally, or lose limbs, or become victims of PTSD and so on. It's all just sad.

Bush is no longer President. I know. It just got me really wondering about Obama. Again, I'm not fond of the government. He is included. I don't care that he is considered an African-American President. It was a nice moment in history, but I see through race. Not saying he's corrupt. Not saying he's not. But I have yet to find a politician that I can wholeheartedly say "I believe in him/her." But this all rounds around to the announcement that we, Americans, are now going to step in with what's going on in Syria, which the situation over there is tragic.

Once again, I am split. I swear, I always am. So many innocent people have been slain in Syria. So, so many. Some are calling it genocide, but I cannot put a stamp on that. In my Bing news feed, it was saying how 13 family members had been set on fire alive in Syria. I did research last night, trying to find out what started what is called the Syrian Civil War. That led me into more information and more and more information, taking me way back in the years of what has gone on in Syria. I say I am split, because genocide is not right to me. But also, I came across statements where their President has said it was actually terrorists causing the turmoil. I don't know, I'll be frank. I am not there, so I don't know what is true. But what I can see that is true, is that innocent people are laying in the streets dead, their mangled bodies being cradled by loved ones, and buildings blown to smithereens, and again, I can only imagine what having to go through that is like.

But so many times, Americans have stepped in. Like always. We will lose men, families will lose their loved ones, BUT then won't those innocent people in Syria continue to lose their lives as well if someone doesn't help them? It's a matter of back off and let them take care of it themselves. It would be something if we supported the same way we had bin Laden, at first, and like he did, turn the same barrel of the gun we gave on us. But also, that may not happen, and it could be a matter of, they just need a little support from us to end it all...

I really wish war didn't happen, so it wouldn't exist.