I Am Not Alone

One thing that I just discovered, but have been told a million times since I was left to care for my Mom on my own, is that I am not alone, though it really can feel like it at times.

Honestly, I don't think I've ever been more depressed than I have ever been this past month. I think of death, but I'm not suicidal. Or at least, I'm not going to commit it. I couldn't be that selfish. I don't have the guts to cause harm to myself.

I never speak much of my hardships. I don't like to come off as a charity case or just another person wanting attention. But I came across one of my friend's posts. She has her own blog. I'm not sure if she would be okay with me posting the link or anything to it, but she wrote about her depression & I just sat and cried my eyes out, 'cause I knew that exact feeling. Or maybe I should say I know that exact feeling. (The darkness comes & goes). But every word she typed, I felt the anguish & could relate.

I deeply admire her for being able to share that, even if she posted it for the simple fact of her feeling better. Most people don't do that. Me being one of them. But because she had the guts to do that, it helped me see clearly that I am not alone & if I'm not okay, it's alright to release that pain and side of me. I'm only human.

I had so much more running through my mind that I wanted to say, but I somehow lost it all of a sudden...