Finding Courage
It's amazing when you finally find the courage to do something.
So, for a while, with my last relationship, building my character back up, I couldn't find it in myself to go through any past stuff like text messages or pictures. I felt it was way too soon, and I would just be pouring salt on a wound that was healing up. For a second, I couldn't even mention his name without rolling my eyes or a twinge of hurt ringing throughout my core.
But not being able to say his name or going through past stuff is no longer a pain. I had gotten over the mention of the name beforehand, but it wasn't until today that I got the courage to go through the past messages. I am glad I did. Typically, I would delete everything after I came to the conclusion that me and a guy were through. I wouldn't have wanted a trace of that person, because it would use to have this affect that made it much harder to release them. And for me to erase every physical evidence, I had been running, acting as if the situation never took place. I have done it so much with past guys that, honestly, I can't recall half of anything that happened within that relationship. Not necessarily good when those very lessons are what molded me into who I am today, and I could've applied some of them to present situations .So this time, I didn't erase a thing. I faced what stepped before me.
Gaining the courage to go through the past reassured me more than ever about certain occurrences. And not only that, I still feel joy and happiness. That was what I feared would be stripped away from me. But it wasn't.
So, for a while, with my last relationship, building my character back up, I couldn't find it in myself to go through any past stuff like text messages or pictures. I felt it was way too soon, and I would just be pouring salt on a wound that was healing up. For a second, I couldn't even mention his name without rolling my eyes or a twinge of hurt ringing throughout my core.
But not being able to say his name or going through past stuff is no longer a pain. I had gotten over the mention of the name beforehand, but it wasn't until today that I got the courage to go through the past messages. I am glad I did. Typically, I would delete everything after I came to the conclusion that me and a guy were through. I wouldn't have wanted a trace of that person, because it would use to have this affect that made it much harder to release them. And for me to erase every physical evidence, I had been running, acting as if the situation never took place. I have done it so much with past guys that, honestly, I can't recall half of anything that happened within that relationship. Not necessarily good when those very lessons are what molded me into who I am today, and I could've applied some of them to present situations .So this time, I didn't erase a thing. I faced what stepped before me.
Gaining the courage to go through the past reassured me more than ever about certain occurrences. And not only that, I still feel joy and happiness. That was what I feared would be stripped away from me. But it wasn't.
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