Lost Lamb
I am going through this thing. One can say that I am always going through something, but we can blame that on me being a female, so I am just too damn emotional--though I would beg to differ--and so on. But back to this thing...
I have found myself in this arena. Imagine: a lonely me in the middle of this dirt pit; a thousand florescent lights beaming down upon me, and I cannot see the surrounding crowd, but I can hear their roars, like a herd of lions pouncing on a lamb (I do not know if lions eat lambs, but whatever). I am that lamb.
I wander around with this distant purpose; a million thoughts are swirling through my mind that never seems to go to sleep.
Why are you trying to pursue writing? Your writing sucks, and even Dr. McCaffrey backs that up with handing your papers back with sixties and seventies marked at the top.
What is the purpose in relationships? You know what is real and what is fake, so why do you constantly reach out to false images of a true man? How can you allow someone to have that much damn control over you?
Your family needs you.
The last one is too deep to go into at the moment and it is scattered, so we'll push it to the side.
The second to last one, I am gradually getting over in my own way. That means keeping myself pretty occupied, focusing on me, training myself to "see through guys" for my own protection, at the moment. I just do not want to deal with all the emotions that get pulled in. It is silly and simply sad.
It is truly the first thought that has got me hung up on a hook.
I honestly believe that writing is my calling. Matter of fact, I do not run for it, but it chases after me. No matter how much I try to "put the pen down" it ends up right back in my hand. I do not believe in conformity, but something has got to give. I know I will not conform to what my professor wants out of me, but I am also aware that I can find ways to better my writing. I just have to find those pathways.
Maybe that means observing more--getting every little detail of what my eyes come across.
Maybe I need more experience--however many ways that can go.
For now, I have no clue. I am still that lamb in that arena, blinded and lost. But maybe I can find a way to change that soon.
I have found myself in this arena. Imagine: a lonely me in the middle of this dirt pit; a thousand florescent lights beaming down upon me, and I cannot see the surrounding crowd, but I can hear their roars, like a herd of lions pouncing on a lamb (I do not know if lions eat lambs, but whatever). I am that lamb.
I wander around with this distant purpose; a million thoughts are swirling through my mind that never seems to go to sleep.
Why are you trying to pursue writing? Your writing sucks, and even Dr. McCaffrey backs that up with handing your papers back with sixties and seventies marked at the top.
What is the purpose in relationships? You know what is real and what is fake, so why do you constantly reach out to false images of a true man? How can you allow someone to have that much damn control over you?
Your family needs you.
The last one is too deep to go into at the moment and it is scattered, so we'll push it to the side.
The second to last one, I am gradually getting over in my own way. That means keeping myself pretty occupied, focusing on me, training myself to "see through guys" for my own protection, at the moment. I just do not want to deal with all the emotions that get pulled in. It is silly and simply sad.
It is truly the first thought that has got me hung up on a hook.
I honestly believe that writing is my calling. Matter of fact, I do not run for it, but it chases after me. No matter how much I try to "put the pen down" it ends up right back in my hand. I do not believe in conformity, but something has got to give. I know I will not conform to what my professor wants out of me, but I am also aware that I can find ways to better my writing. I just have to find those pathways.
Maybe that means observing more--getting every little detail of what my eyes come across.
Maybe I need more experience--however many ways that can go.
For now, I have no clue. I am still that lamb in that arena, blinded and lost. But maybe I can find a way to change that soon.
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